well then....

agh. i'm still "overweight" dammit.

according to a website Joram found (http://www.the-fitness-motivator.com/body-fat.html) i could definitely stand to lose some poundage. i'm only at an "acceptable" level (essential fat, athletes, fitness, acceptable, obese) WTF!?!?!? i've really got to get measured with some calipers. it's slightly more positive than the damn scale, but still....


on another note. vegetarianism. let's talk.
one of my coworkers thinks i need to try out veggies for awhile. hmm. an interesting thought. i don't eat a ton of meat to start with, so, how about cutting out a bit more? well, i think i shall. slowly though. although, i loves me some sushi, don't think i can give that up now that i've found a love!

100 Things

I was listening to the radio this morning and they had 4 guys on that made a list of 100 things to do before they die. It's not a new concept, but as they're doing their 100 things, they're helping others with a life dream as well. Okay, so that sparked my attention. And I started thinking (selfishly), what do I want to do before I die? So, I'm going to make my list, and when it's completed, I'll post it here. This could take awhile.

pumpkin goo

Last night I finally carved the pumpkin that's been sitting on the kitchen counter for about a week. I was promptly reminded why I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was about six. Simply removing the top so I could empty it out was an endeavor with a large knife that should only be attempted by trained professionals. I am not a trained professional. Before I knew it, I was literally up to my elbows in pumpkin goo. As well as the outside of the pumpkin being covered. My cat tried to sneak a bite, but I'm not sure what that would have done to his digestive track. The last thing I needed was a cat with the runs upstairs and the litter box downstairs. I sent him to his food bowl and standing next to it he mocked me for a bit before heading back upstairs to hang out with Uncle Joram.

After what seemed like endless hours of scraping (probably would have gone faster if I'd been concentrating on it instead of trying to watch tv too), I deemed it clean enough for carving. Well. That's where the second issue came in. I have no creativity when it comes to pumpkin faces. I opted for a lovely toothy grin with triangle eyes. Yes, it looks like a five year old made it.

Finally, I put it on the counter and lit a candle inside, okay, it's pretty cute. Joram then came downstairs and was going to light his masterpiece. To which we found the entire inside of his was covered in fuzzy mold and the bottom was pretty much rotten. YES! I have the coolest pumpkin in the house. His had to be tossed. Which was sad, because it was definitely art. He says he's going to go get another one to carve, but I don't know why he'd want to go through the pumpkin goo again.

13.1

Friday night I drove down to my mom's in the pouring rain. It was a pretty low key night and I was in bed relatively early. We were up early Saturday morning and on the road to Vancouver by 8am. I am a terrible passenger. The drive seemed way to long. Luckily we stopped for coffee about halfway.

I am in love with Vancouver and Portland. The downtown Vancouver area is adorable. And I love shopping in Portland. We didn't get to any downtown due to the rain still coming down in sheets, but we spend a couple hours in Lloyd Center and then headed over to Klackamas Town Center. Um, I have a tendency to not use my words when I'm the passenger. My mom and I were looking for our exit and suddenly out of lane and all that comes out of my mouth is "pbahgreet!" That is not so useful for anyone. Anyway, I picked up some really great stuff. Some of it I was planning on buying, most of it, I was not.

Sunday morning. The half marathon started at 9am, and we wanted to be there about 8:15. Luckily the hotel was only about a three block walk to the start. We woke up around 7 and my mom asks me if I got hurt during the night. Apparently I cried out in pain a couple times. I can't recall at all what I was dreaming about. Maybe she dreamt it. Although, I've been told that I sometimes do talk in my sleep. Hmmm. Anyway, it was unexpectedly warm and completely dry for the entire 13.1 miles. Hooray!!! I kept my pace slow and stuck with mom the entire time. Although I found myself jumping around like an idiot trying to get my legs moving a bit and less pain. At the finish line, I got behind mom and pushed her across. And then we were in front of the gorgeous Vancouver fire fighters. Holy heck. You don't see them like that in Seattle! Or Bothell. Or Lynnwood. Or anywhere around here for that matter.

So, we finally make it back to my mom's around 5pm. I take a quick shower, eat some dinner and head home- finally making it back there around 7.

no people

i really need a job where i'm not actually required to speak to people. this is one pretty good, but there's still people around. luckily my phone rarely rings, we tend to converse via instant message and you can block most people with that.

....

i want to walk into the ocean and let it overcome me. i want to sleep and never wake up. i want to drink a glass of poison and succumb to it's powers. i want to move on to a world where there is no judgement, there is no pain. i am tired. i am tired and i cannot continue like this. i cannot put on a smile when there is nothing behind it. i cannot be your puppet. i can no longer hide behind the pain. i feel the eyes of judgement on me, and they are my own. they tell me nothing is good enough, nothing is right. and it is true. they tell me i cannot be strong enough to make it through this. they ask me what is left and my answer is nothing.

let me eat cake

actually... please don't. i had the biggest, yummiest piece of chocolate fudgy cake today. right after i had a piece of lemon cake. so much for that diet i was trying to be on. crap. more to love, right? yeah... .something like that.

i'm really excited about Halloween this year. for once, i've got a costume and over two weeks ahead of time. AND!!! i've got three places to go (three different nights) how exciting! woohoo!

well, i should really head off to the gym for some strenuous weight lifting, followed by a three mile run and then head home to run sprints. only to get up on the morning and either bike or run 5 miles. yeesh.

weekend fun!

So, this was an action-packed adventure filled weekend. Okay, not that much excitement, but still busy. Friday night Joram and I decided to make breakfast for dinner. I got home around 6 and we headed to Safeway. We left with armfuls of groceries that looked like we were shopping on some sort of dare. We headed home and the omelet making begun. Oh my goodness. So much food. But incredibly tasty I might add. After dinner, I decided we needed to clean the apartment, I tackled the upstairs bathroom, Joram took the kitchen. And that was all. After a quick shower, I saw that Tiffany was heading to Slugger's to celebrate her new job (working with me again!) So Joram and I headed out for a few drinks. Luckily Tiffany and her roomie and Joram and I snagged a pool table on the side and spent the evening there. . I was up relatively early Saturday and hung out for a bit before heading to Tiffany's to help her pack. I think we only got about 8 boxes or so done. It was not a motivated day and a trip to Taco del Mar was in the works. Ugh. So much food!

That night we were headed to Kel's in Seattle and my lovely friend Caroline met up with us. However, after an hour or so there, we decided it was too expensive and we didn't know enough people for it to be fun so we headed back to Slugger's.

Anyhoo, Sunday morning Joram, Tiffany, Jessie and Jessy (friends of Tiff) head to a pumpkin patch. Of course, we drive all over first picking people up and have to stop for coffee. Bad idea on my part. I'm already feeling flu-like, overheating and then freezing and then shaking. Ugh, and all I can think is that I'm supposed to run 9 miles later. It was tough to convince myself to actually get out there, but luckily the weather was amazing! Nothing too random on my run, except an old guy that offered me a ride. No thanks, I'm running for a reason! Afterwards, Joram and I headed grocery shopping and now our fridge is happy and full again. We also talked about costumes while he carved his pumpkin. And FINALLY I decided what I want to me. Of course, I need to go tanning and lay off the chocolate. But really, that should be happening anyway.

gone

i cut my hair. okay, so i didn't cut it myself, i had it cut by a trained professional. a person that i wish would follow me around. ok, not follow me around, but magically show up at my apartment every morning and blow dry and style my hair for me. for the life of me i cannot grasp the concept of "hairstyling" i think there's just a problem with the dexterity of my hands. i also blame my childlike handwriting on this. or my lack of patience. i can blame both on that as well.

anyway, i cut my hair, and i don't know what to do with it. he took about three inches off. on top of the 1.5 to 2 that i had taken off almost a month ago. it's short. but i'm not back to my lesbian hair. good grief. flashbacks. i'll never go there again!!

my head floats.

the list

a friend of mine asked me to make a list of all the qualities i'm looking for in a guy. so here it is. i'm sure there's more. but i don't think i'm allowed to get too picky. i don't even date.

tall (preferably over 5'11")
funny
athletic (& non-smoker)
honest and respectful
good cook
intelligent
good job
likes kids
doesn't hate cats
not needy
isn't afraid of independent girls
affectionate
gets along with his family
confident but not overly cocky
and of course all the attractive things like nice eyes and smile. not too many piercings or tattoos

***huge bonus points if he rides bikes or plays guitar

i don't bend that way

I'm really beginning to think I need to go to the doctor, and for multiple reasons. The pain in my hip/buttocks is getting really bad. It was hard for me to run an easy 3 on the treadmill last night. And this whole tired all the time, constantly dizzy and getting the shakes- it's not fun anymore. Actually, it was never fun. Except getting to eat a cookie.

So, last night after a kind of bummer evening I decided to do some yoga. Much to the amusement of my roommate, I am not good at yoga. Joram was upstairs but kept coming to check on me after hearing yelps or thuds. I was sure he was going to come down with a camera. I actually burst out laughing at one point. Locust. My body was not made to bend that way, and I'm not sure it ever should.

Right now I just want a vanilla milkshake from McDonald's. dammit.

This is my world.... and it's not bendy.

okay...so i'm fat

according to my roomie's ever so accurate body fat scale, i am on the big-boned side. seriously. i'm outside the range of "healthy" for women. um. seriously? i find this hard to believe. but to celebrate my apparent obesity, i ate. what else would i do?

but now i'm freaking out. i think i might actually get tested at the gym with the calipers. freaking out. today is my off day from the gym (even though I went and lifted weights) but now i'm considering a run. must.....stick....to... the schedule....

no snooze button

I'm trying to eliminate the snooze button from my life. Really, whose idea was this? An extra 7 or 9 minutes is not going to change my outlook on the crappy morning that is apparently already beginning. Yesterday, for example, my alarm went off nice and early at 7am (yes, on a Sunday). I laid there for a few minutes trying to remember why I run. Oh yes, because I don't want to get fat. And because I love it or something crazy like that. I drag myself out of bed and can hear both my cat and my roommate still snoring. Great, rub it in. I head downstairs to make some oatmeal and watch the news. Showers early, dumping buckets later. Well, I better get going soon, I've got 8 miles to get in. I prepare myself for the elements with shorts, a sleeveless wicking shirt and then a long-sleeve half zip, gloves and a hat. And of course my iPod, which only has some decent music on it. I left most of my CDs at work.

Now, this is the first "long run" I've done since I moved. Meaning, the only scheduled one where I knew exactly how far I HAD to go, not just how far I wanted to go. Big difference. I basically live at the top of a hill. One side there is an 11% grade the other a 9%. Which torture do I want first? I pick the 11%. Needless to say, it was a very painful run. And in some parts, only a walk. The wind and rain picked up and I could barely propel myself forward. My legs felt like lead and my breathing was hard. Somehow I finished it in a respectable (for me) time. And to celebrate, I spent the next several hours hanging out in my sweaty running clothes watching football.

Joram and I watched "Silent Hill" which, if they don't create a sequel, I will be very disturbed. Although I'm still confused by the movie as it is.

Halloween is coming up soon, and I haven't decided if I actually want to dress up. I've got a couple invites to "costume mandatory" parties. Can't I just go to a haunted corn maze and call it good?

This is my world, and I need a nap.

the machines are against me

i wrote this a couple weeks ago for another blog...

a couple weeks ago I went to get a can of Diet Coke from the vending machine. I took exactly the required 65 cents. It didn't like my dime. So, I went and got another quarter. It requested exact change only. So, I'm standing with a downtrodden look on my face with three quarters, and three nickels in my hand and no pop. Another person is at the machine next to me so I turn to them.. ."you don't happen to have a dime for these two nickels, do you?" They dig in their pockets and hand me a dime. I think they'd witnessed me leaving and coming back and still no beverage. To my surprise, this put me on a Diet Coke frenzy!! I had to have one, every day. And usually around 9 or 10 AM. And then I ran out of change. Well, today I started craving one early but put it off. Then a bit ago, my throat started hurting a bit. And nothing helps a sore throat like a Diet Coke :) So, I dig in my desk drawer, purse and gym bag and come up with.... two quarters, a dime and two nickels. It doesn't like my dimes. I go back to my desk and find a dollar bill in my wallet. The pop machine won't take it. But! we have a change machine. Yay! But, what does it give me? A freaking dollar coin! What vending machine in the world takes dollar coins??? So, I take my shiny dollar over to the coffee register and hold it up and say "Is there anyway I can get change? This is what the change machine gave me" She smiles and asks "Four quarters ok?" "Sure" It was not. The damn coke machine wanted exact change only. So, I go over to the Pepsi machine (Desperate times, desperate measures). Yay, at least there's diet. Except it's sold out....WTF??? Luckily, Pepsi is a Dr. Pepper producer or I think I would have had to throw a temper tantrum right there in the cafeteria.

i am connected

Once again I am connected to the world via the wonderful Internet. I gave in an bought a new laptop today, however I am not giving up hope that all my pictures will one day be retrieved from my old one. They have to be! I have so many pics of Emily on there. Right now I'm going through the fun task of putting all my CD's onto my iTunes. And currently listening to "I Touch Myself" Hmmm.

The HeartWalk was this morning. It was interesting. My 'ex' was the first person I saw when we got there. Awkward. Although, I hadn't seen him since February, so it was actually kind of nice. I only briefly saw my Philips crush. Long enough for a quick smile over the heads of our co-workers. Sad. After the walk (which it rained on us for part of) I was supposed to go for an 8 mile run. However, I was unchaperoned this morning in Starbucks and downed a grande latte at 7:30- on an empty stomach. I thought Amy and Tara were going to throw me out the window I was talking so much. When I finally made it home around 11:30 I was still spinning from my caffeine binge so I decided to take a quick nap, which I knew would make me feel nauseous. Oh well. I decided to put off my run until tomorrow and go shopping instead. Laptop, dress pants, sweater, watch battery, groceries. I'm pretty excited about the new pants (size 4 thank you very much) except I still need to try them on with heels and see how much I have to have them let down. Seriously, what's up with stores only carrying pants in "Regular" length? I can wear that if I run around barefoot all day (Also a reason I run only in shorts or spandex, sweats are never long enough). And even though I take my shoes off in my cube at work, I highly doubt it would be appropriate to wear fuzzy bunny slippers everyday.

CHAMPION!!!

Needless to say, I won the burrito challenge. To put it simply, Minor fled Q'doba with a look of despair. It was sheer luck that he kept it all down. Really.

Next up, he wants to do another version of a 3X3. This is simple though. Three 3-mile runs. One before breakfast, one before lunch, one before dinner. I don't think he realized that tomorrow after the HeartWalk I have a straight 8 mile run. The only problem I have with this is 3 showers. Two of which will be at work.

I think I might buy a laptop this weekend so I can get connected to the real world. And back to my Myspace. I know it misses me.

burrito update

quick burrito update. We went Taco del Mar for lunch with Amanda and Angie. Post lunch, Minor was not looking so great. I, on the other hand, was needing some ice cream. Hehe.


I thought he might puke. During our gym session, I was fearful of getting too close, because I was sure he was going to puke. Off to dinner....

what i've learned about yogurt

1) The right kind of yogurt can be eaten with a fork.
2) You can only leave it sitting on your desk for about 15 minutes before it becomes too warm to eat
3) It makes a lovely mid-afternoon pick-me-up....
4) ...Except just before a run of any distance or speed

I ate some Thick & Creamy Yoplait Key Lime yogurt yesterday afternoon just before my 5 mile treadmill pace run. I was doing just dandy during the run, but as soon as I stopped all I could think was "my tummy hurts" So I head home to shower and get some real food in me. And my tummy is doing a bit better. Around 8 there was nothing on TV so I decide that Joram and I need to take a look at my new yoga DVD that came in the mail on Tuesday. I've taken yoga classes before, so I should have known what I was getting into. *You're not supposed to be for at least an hour before, preferably 2* Halfway through the third pose or so, I start feeling really ill. Light-headed, sweat beads starting to form on my forehead, stomach turning. So, I sit down to watch Joram attempt this graceful fine art. Which is neither graceful or fine in our living room. I finally start feeling a bit better so I give it another shot. At which point, I learn I'm definitely not flexible or bendy... AT ALL!! After almost an hour we call it quits and turn on the new show "Private Practice" it's alright.

Today is the 3X3 burrito challenge. Breakfast is done and I'm feeling fine. Just a bit heavy. Taco del Mar for lunch. This could be painful. Or just plain dumb.

mmmm. PIE!

I'm thinking about pie. Specifically apple pie. Homemade apple pie. Courtesy of Tara. Damn, that was a good pie.

Anyhoo. I thought I'd post some craziness on here about this week's "challenge"

Burrito Challenge is ON!!
Who: Minor and Bri... and anyone else that wants to join in killing their gut.
When: Thursday October 4, 2007. Morning, noon and evening
Where: The cafeteria, Q'doba, Taco del Mar
What: 3 meals of various burritos
Why: Why not???
How: With sheer gut strength. The evening burrito will be preceded by a 4 mile run

What is this all about? Minor (a guy from work that I've been hitting up the gym with) has recently shown a odd passion for breakfast burritos from work. One day he had the breakfast burrito and then went elsewhere for a lunchtime one. That day he felt as if he'd puke on the treadmill. Luckily he did not. So, he began discussing doing The Triple. And started giving me crap about how I should join him in the challenge. After about a week of him judging me for wanting to keep my stomach and colon intact, I gave in. And thus, the Burrito Challenge was born. There are no prizes. There really is no winner I guess, unless one of us pukes. There really is no reason. Just because.

But, now I'm sitting here after eating that delicious pie and I'm thinking about why I would ever want to stuff myself with burritos. Why!?!?!?!?