thoughts on my mind....

for no apparent reason, lately my cat has been flipping out and biting me and my roommate. He'll be completely fine and then out of nowhere clamp down on my hand or arm and it hurts like hell. Two seconds later he seems to be back to normal. Or, as normal as he ever started out. He's staring at me from the end of my bed right now as if he knows I'm writing about him. I'll think he'll bite me later to prove a point.


My foot hurts. Again. The pain was completely gone over a week ago. I started back on my normal training program this week. 5 mile run Tuesday, 8 miles Wednesday, 5 miles today. I'm planning on 13 tomorrow. But I guess that's really up to the running gods. I feel like I can't catch a break lately. I almost wish I could skip the marathon and just spend time swimming and biking for the next six weeks. I don't enjoy running right now. I think it's just because of the oddities I'm having recently. And the pain from being "new" to running again. My knees killed me after my 5 miles on Tuesday. You would have thought I'd never run before. I guess I only have myself to blame. I should be icing several times a day, I can barely remind myself to do it a couple times a week.

Resolutions. New Year's is almost here and I've started to think about what I want to change in my life. My roomie has already started his "why wait?" he says. I agree. But right now I have no clear cut idea of what exactly I want to accomplish by changing something, so I need to mull over that and then come up with a game plan. Like--- giving up chocolate. This might not be a good idea, a lot of protein and energy bars are chocolate flavored/covered and I have a feeling this will become more of a staple in my training diet over the next couple months. However, I definitely know I need to cut out some of the crap. If I ate like an average person, I'd be in amazing shape. Instead I eat with glutton filled guilt as I pack away a dozen brownies at a time.

Just some things to think about. Oh, and dating. That's on my mind too. But who has time to sit and read my confusing twisted thoughts on that? I don't really have time to think them.

body mass.... or fat

So, I finally found a body fat calculator online that takes into consideration multiple measurements- besides, height, weight and waist. According to this method, I have 21.6% body fat. Which isn't terrible. I think the "ideal range" for women is something like 20-25. However, this site also said that if you are very fit it can give a measurement 3-5% higher than actual. I'm going pretend I am and go with that. So, in my happy little mind, I'm at 18.6%. Yes, that will do much better.

quest

In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion.
In rejecting risk, we often cheat ourselves of the quest.
In denying our suffering, we may never know our strength or our greatness

Alii Drive. This is my new quest. Someday I want to run down this street and cross the finish line that will round out my athletic accomplishments.

Ironman is a cold unfeeling race. It doesn't care how hard you train. It turns its nose at the sacrifices you make. It laughs in your face when you want to sleep in until sunrise. I already know this, and I don't even know what it is to be an Ironman. But I will. In 6 and a half months I will. I have no doubt about this. This race chews people up, spits them and and makes them come back for more. In a bizarre way, I almost fear the emotional aspect more than I do the physical. Just thinking about this huge undertaking makes it hard to sleep at night.

Right now I'm sitting with another injury of some sort. The x-rays came back fine. But my doctor doesn't want any weight bearing on my left foot. Crutches, even. How dare she? How can I gimp around on crutches at work and then ditch them after to hit the gym. I've accepted that I can't run. That's a given. But I refuse to give up my workouts. Swimming bears no weight. I can still weight train. Tomorrow I might even give the stationary bike another shot. If I can keep my cardio and strength up, I should be able to push myself for 26.2 miles in February.