why it's so important

there's a hundred and one reasons why it's so important for me to run this weekend. the most obvious is because i want to. the others: i've trained hard. i love it. i've only done one. my mom is doing the half.

but one of the biggest reasons. everyone says when you do a marathon it changes you. once you cross that finish line, they say something inside you is different. it's only been a year for me since i did my first and i don't know that anything changed. i don't know if i lost it because i started training for a half-Ironman immediately after and that was so much bigger that i lost the feeling. or was it something else.

i hate to say, it might be the latter. my mom and aunt were at my marathon last year. and it would kill my mom if she ever knew this. when i finished i remember being so overwhelmed with emotion and pride. i had done it. i had finished 26.2 miles. i was still standing. i could see my mom and my aunt standing to the side taking pictures and cheering. and then suddenly, they were gone. my aunt appeared a few moments later and told me my mom was in the medic tent. and suddenly i was worried about nothing except why mom was with the medic. well, that and how badly my feet were messed up. mom had tripped over a curb that a dozen people had gone down on that day and hit her leg and was swelling up badly. so, instead of being greeted by my proud family i was alone at the finish. i definitely don't blame my mom for this, nor am i mad or upset, but i want to know what that finish is like. i know i was on a high that day and i want to remember what that was like. i was to be so impatient to text everyone i know that i finished. and then i want to go to Disneyland.